</div>


How adorable?!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm having an art show this week with my friends.  This is the biggest non-club/organization show this semester, all the other shows are like 3 people, 4 people at the most.  We have 7 people!  We did have 8, but my one friend decided not to, I'm sad for him, but we're having a guest wall which he will most definitely get dibs on!  Also, this past friday at the art show (they happen every friday!) there was a live band, and the guy who's show it was, it was his band.  Laura, Sam and I danced till we literally passed out!  The music was AMAZING!  We asked the guy if he'd be able to play this friday - and he was like "OMG YES!"  We offered to pay him, but he was was persistent that he'd love to play for us and it's won't be necessary to pay - so we'll add him to the guest wall too and let him sell shirts/cd's.  Also, before the band starts, we'll have an hour to play other music, so we'll be Featuring Andrew and his friend Tim's new music too, Muspelheim!  Our show is going to be more like a party!  Oh, and of course wine and cheese will be a staple, an my dad made wine this year so that will be featured too!

If you all can't tell, I'm excited!

So within the past few days I have slowly realized I don't want to do my BFA in painting anymore for so many reasons.

1. Lies

2. Contradictions

3. Lack of learning - I get told "Put paint on canvas... "  I want more from my education, I'm paying thousands of dollars to be taught which is not happening.

4. I'm not happy in general with the department and how it's run - My current drawing teacher is not teaching next semester and was told by us students not by the school or his boss.

5. I don't feel it necessary to kiss ass to get by in life, my work should be able to get me in.  I'm told my work is good enough, so why the fuck am I not in yet if this semester it didn't matter about the studio space? because it's still about the studio space.

6. I'm not happy - I feel like a failure for not being able to succeed.

7. I feel like everyone else can get in with half the thinking I put into my stuff yet here I am left with a Big IF still.

8. At this point the chances of me graduating "on time" are very slim.

All in all, I may just switch it up and do my BFA in printmaking because people aren't rejected from them as they are from painting/drawing.  As long as I get a BFA in something at this point and I've realized I'm not gonna be able to graduate on time, I may as well do something worth while and not something that makes me feel like a failure when it's not true.


I had a great heart to heart with my boss the other day as an outsiders opinion and she was the first person to really listen and be supportive and understanding.  I'm finally accepting things and trying to make my own way and not depend on others for making the decisions that govern my future.






p.s. please don't pity me - I just needed to get it out.

I cannot wait to see Atonement ... I just saw the trailer for it today, but I still want to see it realllllllly bad!  Alicia and Amber want to too - so hopefully things will work out and we'll go see it together!  And I would like to see Juno and I am Legend... yep

that's it

I'm going home today for Thanksgiving Break!  In the past I went home on Wednesday not Tuesday and my Ex took me home, but this year I get to have a whole 2.5 hours by myself to rock out in my car and actually take my car home and go out with friends!  WHOOOO!

Also today I foung my great-grandma's necklace that I thought I lost!  Now all I need to find is my favorite scarf!  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!

I'm not even gonna do work until I get back to school, I just need to relax and eat good food!

Oh, and I don't have internet at home - dial up sucks so I choose not to use it! 

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

This band does Tetris, Pokemon and Zelda!  That's actually reallllllllly creative as far as marching band goes!

Yesterday was Open House for prospective students!  I volunteered and gave tours around the academic buildings, it was so much fun but insanely cold.  I layered like crazy: I had leggings and jeans on my bottom half, two pairs of socks, and 4 shirts (Long sleeved/short sleeved/long sleeved/ short sleeved.) and a scarf!  I ended up seeing Andrew with two of his friends from home, and I was so ecstatic to see him because I didn't think I was gonna see him at all until later in the evening, and I was really excited about meeting his friends too... so happy they thought I was too happy.  Andrew reassured them I'm not that happy, actually I know from experience I'm Miss Grumpygrumpypants all the time anymore.  But that's okay.  I was paid with a free t-shirt and free breakfast and free lunch for doing it, which is awesome because I have $3.78 left on my meal plan!!!! 

Best way to make me happy - Retail Therapy and Clearance Racks and Snuggling!  I bought myself a tank top on sale from Old Navy for $3.97!  So I splurged on a pair of underwear from H&M for $7.90 - I've always wanted their underwear because it's so pretty!  I also bought Andrew a gift from Target for $3.24!!!!!!  I can't say what it is yet, because I want  it to be a surprise for him because it's not something he told me to get him, but I know he'll love it.  I know too he doesn't believe me, but for $3.24 you can't go wrong.  It was the funniest thing too, I walked around the whole entire time with it rolled up and under my arm and he didn't notice it at all.  It made it fun having the risk of him finding it and asking me to see what I was buying.  Andrew purchased a nice beanie and some great gloves for winter, he was so cute because he was having trouble picking out gloves and walked over and asked me to help him pick out gloves, It made me feel great that he values my opinion and can trust me to help him pick stuff out!  When he was ready to go pay for them, I walked up to the cash registers with him and went to an express lane so he wouldn't catch me, then he was all surprised and wanted to know what I bought.  He cannot handle the suspense, and kept asking me - he finally stopped though today.  I plan on giving him the gift for Christmas, not our Anniversary, so it'll be like the last possible day before we go home for winter break.  I may cave in a give it to him earlier.... maybe...

=D

This week started off just as bad as last week ended. 

I'll start from Thursday:  I went to dinner with my best gal pal Amber.  That's not bad, it was actually realllllly nice.  We went to this new place, Fat Bob's (It unfortunately replaced Italian Supreme).  I got fettuccini alfredo, and it came with a salad, so I got balsamic vingarette dressing.  The waitress served us our meals and salad at the same time, so I ate them at the same time... which was a bad idea!  Then we went to The Muddy Cup for coffee.  I am in love with TMC!!!  But all that food and coffee mixed together in my stomach and made me sick, at 5:00 am during a firedrill outside... so I spent a half hour with my head in a bush puking my brains out!  I have to go on record saying that this is the first time I've vomited since 5th grade, so it's like a major life event to me!  Then I had to wake up at 8 to get ready for my BFA Review... which is a huge event that determines my future!  So all in all it was amazing that I was puking my brains out on such a big day.

My painting professor that i currently have right now too ripped me apart during the review... she doesn't like me.

Then I went to the city Saturday, which was overall amazing, then I cleaned my room all day Sunday.  Just ho-hum kind of day Sunday.  Then Yesterday I was walking to class with Amber and she asks, "Are you ready for our test today?"  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  "Um, no!"  BUt luckily the test ended up being Wednesday, not yesterday.  Then I had major anxiety attacks before painting class because my Professor doesn't like and doesn't hide it from me and I wanted to get there early to set up and be a good student, but that didn't happen, so I got to class on time which is not desirable.  Then I got there and talked with a bunch of my friends, and then someone told me it we were having a critique.  They didn't have to tell me twice, I bolted out of there so quickly because I hadn't started new work and I just couldn't handle being ripped apart again by my teacher.  So all in all my weekend was flanked by suckiness.

This Friday is my BFA Portfolio Review.  I'm insane right now, too much going on along with the intense fear of not getting in again.  I am the second person to be interviewed, but the person before me is obviously going to get in... there's no questioning it.  I had a meeting with my adviser last week and she is one of three who will be interviewing me, and I told her how I'm worried about graduating and meeting the BFA requirements on time, and her response was well do you really want to be in BFA then?  WTF?  What else would I do with my life?  People really don't understand the pressure of this and how much it effects my future.  It seems all simple, a BFA Portfolio Review to get into a stupid program to graduate with a piece of paper that says I'm officially an artist, but without that piece of paper I can't accomplish what I want in life.  I just wish people would understand and not be like "How hard could it be?"

So, when you can't find me this week, I'll be in the studio working.

This past weekend was such a blur.  I finally met Andrew's best friend!!  And I went to Yale Sunday with Alicia for more roomie bonding time!

But my main point of my post is to brag that I had the best omelet tonight because Andrew treated me and also because I've been eating frugally lately because I have about $70 left for the rest of the semester... =/  But it was such a nice dinner too, just casual dinner at mine and Andrew's favorite diner, and it was actually just really nice to spend time with Andrew and chat outside of the school atmosphere and take a break from my messy life.  Yum!

Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Michael's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Michael and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Michael and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Joanne came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle," said Joanne. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?".

"Well," said Michael, "I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Michael received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Joanne, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Joanne. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

Well... it's that time of semester where I feel like a huge fucking mess, and subsequently feel like my life is crashing down around me.... so that must mean it's time for the BFA review!  Yep, BFA review part deux!

Fuck.



pretty much I feel like the world is against me at some points in my life, and this week has been one of those times.  But, sunday I'm going to Yale for a day trip, which I am excited about, but Andrew isn't happy cuz his best friend is visiting and I won't get to say bye.  I have a paper to do for my Asian art class for the end of semester, and this is my only opportunity to go do visual research for it because my teacher hasn't looked at a calendar to know that she scheduled our trip to the Met after our paper is due... great planning, right?  I have a painting mid-term monday, Asian art midterm wednesday, and BFA review sometime soon... I'm not liking life right now.

Fun Part of my day:  Giving Sam a haircut!

Barnes & Noble changed their website... it looks prettier. 



Also, some books I want to read/get: Lucky and  The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold, and Empress by Shan Sa.  I bought Empress over the summer and have yet to read it, but I read the first page over the weekend and it seems good so far. 

I'm going camping this weekend... I haven't been since 9th grade.  This time though we're renting cabins because my Aunt got one for her family, so to be able to be in the same campsite and spend time with them we had to get a cabin too, otherwise we would be in a tent sleepign on the ground!  There's nothing like it!  I can't wait to roast marshmallows and eat them alll gooey, maybe eat them with chocolate and crackers... but they are yummy as is.

I'm excited!

I have been insanely busy lately... I've tried writing in here, but it's just hasn't worked out.

I got a new ID today for school because the one I had started cracking in the middle and as of yesterday it wasn't working to get into my dorm, but everything else worked: food and my room.  So my new ID though will let me in my building but not my room because of my new banner number needing to be activated... so I paid $10 to fix one thing and get a new problem in return... but as of just now, it worked to get in my room, and I was sneaky and didn't turn in my old ID and that still worked for my room too!  I'm sneaky!

I also had a HUGE headache today too, so painful that even after I took some medicine and ate some food, I left class half way through and took a 3 hour nap, and I'm still tired which is good because I have to get up early tomorrow.  I hate naps, so its a dead give away that I'm not feeling well when I do take a nap.  Actually, Alicia got back to the room and turned off a light for me while I was sleeping then got back when I woke up and asked if I was ok!!!  She is sooo considerate!  I'm glad I have a great roommate finally!  It makes school that much better!

But thats just a quick update... I have to go study for my first midterm on Thursday... I'm probably going to get an 88% because this is my third time having this teacher and I've gotten 88% for every assignment and test so far in the other two classes!  Alicia and I joke about how I have The Curse of 88%!!

Original English Text:
I like to paint and draw.

Translated to French:
j'aime peindre et dessiner.

Translated back to English:
I like to paint and draw.

Translated to German:
Ich mag malen und zeichnen.

Translated back to English:
I may paint and draw.

Translated to Italian:
Posso verniciare e dissipare.

Translated back to English:
I can paint and dissipate.

Translated to Portuguese:
Eu posso pintar e dissipar-se.

Translated back to English:
I can paint and waste myself.

Translated to Spanish:
Puedo pintar y perderse.

Translated back to English:
I can paint and be lost.

Did I ever mention how much I love Glamour?  One reason:"Boobs are to men what Fisher-Price stacking rings are to babies. They feel good, are fun to play with and always wind up in the mouth."

So the best way to procrastinate is to update I guess.  I have a SHIT LOAD of reading to do, massive amounts of art to do, so much in fact I have no clue where to begin.  To be honest... my week is pretty much done, I only have two classes tomorrow and no work due for them until next week, so for now I'm not going to worry.  I have all Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and Monday when I don't have class to do my work.

That's my first thoughts right now.

Let's see, I last wrote on Andrew's Birthday, which unfortunately I was not able to visit him no matter how hard I tried to, things just didn't work out.  I went on vacation to the beach for 4-5 days and I'm more tan than Andrew, which I find funny because I haven't been tan-ish in over two years, plus Andrew's Puerto Rican.  I moved out the day after his b-day and had only three weeks off this summer.  That was more than enough time at home too.

Now I am two weeks into school, and it's scary to believe that I'm at that point of thinking about "after college."  It seems like five minutes ago all I worried about was "getting into college" and now that has passed and I'm starting to think about grad school and such because next fall I'm gonna have to start doing that search and applications.  I also have been considering getting an apartment for next year too because I want to stay here for grad school so it would be nice to have a place settled before it's too late.  Craziness! 

I know Andrew wants to stay here too for grad school... oh god!  I just remembered, I have the BFA review redo this semester, which means I have a shit load of work to do theme based for it... then I have to figure out how many credits I need to graduate because it will definitely change once I get in, and also I need to go to the Dean and get credit yet for two college classes I took in high school.  FUCK!  Maybe I'm not halfway done with school yet.  It wouldn't surprise me if I graduated with Andrew.  All I have to say is that Andrew has it easy getting his BFA in English because he doesn't have to have a review to "get in" and then have all his requirements change so that he ends up staying longer.  Stupid art.  Well the point to the ramble was that we'll be here together for grad school too, yay!

Today I had my first test of the semester already, at 8:30.

I have a new roommate, and she is AWESOME!!  All we do is chat, and funnily we have the same groups of art friends so it's cool.  She's and art ed major, but drawing/painting concentration so we have a lot in common, but also do our own thing.  So far she's the best roommie I've had!

The first few days were grumpy for me, and unfortunately Andrew had to endure me.  Then today I saw him and I was really happy to see him and he was like, "Why are you in such a good mood??"  Did ya want me to be more grumpy??  I'm gonna try to do the good mood thing... only be grumpy when needed... like at my horrible luck with my car right now.  I have not driven it in 4 weeks because it has been going back and forth to the shop to be fixed.  I have a whole new power steering system in it because it had a leak and the mechanic I take it to, Vince, has not fixed it yet, either by doing a hap hazard job to the point of my car's power steering line bursting out in the middle of the street in front of my driveway, to cross threading the joints and creating the same leak.  Over the weekend It was home for like two days before it started to leak some more.  My Dad and I fixed some rust spots and patched it up and painted it, but my dad took it back yesterday to the shop to get fixed.  As of now, I am into $600.00 of repairs just within 4 weeks, not to mention when the timing belt blew on me too, that was $400.00... these are rounded figures.  And I also owe my parents money for my school bill because I had my summer job to pay for it, but now with my car debt, I'm gonna be pretty much empty of money... here goes to my old side job for my going out money... and eventually food and shit like that, but I'm out of practice right now.  Oh well.  I bought new supplies for it too because I know I'm gonna need to do magic.  grrrrrr... and my school job I only work 3 1/2 hours a week at $7.15 per hour.  I asked my boss a week before school started about working on friday's to make more money and she said no one else was working then.  I get to work my first day and asked her, and all of a sudden, someone is working on fridays, a girl who used to work for her when she wasn't in our office.  I've been in history/philosophy/asian studies a year and a half before she worked there, even before we had asian studies added to our office officially.  This pisses me off.  So I am definitely not doing well as far as money goes right now. 

So I'm just gonna try to be happy!